


Independence Day

by Resistance



Series: Nashville Predators [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Minnesota Wild, Nashville Predators, New Jersey Devils
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 15:16:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Resistance/pseuds/Resistance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shea reflects on what brought him to this point. Angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Independence Day

I filed for divorce on July 4, 2012.

 In British Columbia, which is where we got married six years ago, you have to be separated and living separate lives for one full year before the divorce is legal, which means I am still technically married to him, though very officially separated. The paperwork part of the filing was easy, I did not want spousal or child support, nor was I going to give him any. My lawyer put that together in a couple hours. But even after the papers were filed, we had to wait. They make you wait to see if you’ll change your mind, I assume. I won’t change my mind. I can’t ever look at him the same way. Especially in light of how everything happened.

 The day it was announced to the press was when he decided to tell me he was leaving. Yes, after he’d already discussed the deal with his agent and the Wild people, he still didn’t tell me. I had no doubt he’d be signing with Nashville, he told me he didn’t want to leave. He told me that. But he knew what time they were going to announce his new contract. He told me fifteen minutes before it went live. Fifteen minutes before TSN reported it. You would think he would give me some advanced notice-- at least enough time to get my press answers ready-- but he didn’t. So there I was (ironically on American Independence Day), with my phone ringing off the hook with both teammates and reporters, while I was dealing with the fact that my husband had signed to play somewhere else for the rest of his career. And yet, to my surprise, that wasn’t even the worst of it.

 He said he wanted to explain some other things before I heard about them through the press. I found this almost comical considering TSN was at that very moment talking about the contract I’d just for the first time heard he signed. He didn’t say anything for too long and TSN jumped in with the second contract the Wild had also signed. Oh. I’d known that Zach and Ryan were friends, of course. Every time we had played the Devils, Ryan took him out to eat after the game. Just the two of them, to catch up. He was married, too, so I didn’t think anything of it. Never in a million years would I have suspected Ryan of cheating on me. Of course that was stupid because he had cheated. Seven times. Exactly seven times. Once a season (though twice in one of the calendar years), on the day our teams played. I had no idea. Honestly. I had no clue he had been doing that to me the whole time we were together. I’d like to say there were hints, but he was just that good of a liar.

 I told him to leave that day, just pack his things and get out. He wasn’t sorry he cheated. Far from it. He had picked Zach over me. He thought about trying to keep us both, but knew that wouldn’t work. Ha. They’d been together before we’d met, he told me. They had that Team USA thing going on that meant so much to Ryan. I’m not saying that Team Canada didn’t matter to me, because of course it did, very much, but Olympic hockey meant so much more to him than it did to me because of his name, his family. I remember wishing I could give him my gold medal at the time, because it meant nearly more than the Cup to him. My dad was proud of me for winning gold of course, but he would have been proud of silver too. His dad was actually vividly disappointed in Ryan’s silver medal. I remembered how much it had bothered him. I remember wanting to do anything fix that for him. I found myself now wondering if he and Zach had consoled each other while Team Canada was celebrating.

 I told him that the boys were staying with me and they were going to Nashville once the season started. I would not have them in Minnesota with him. He got angry about that, of course, but in the end I won out. Nashville is what they know and where they belong. All of their things are at the house and moving was too much of a culture shock to them. In truth, I just wanted my boys with me, I wanted to take care of them. Part of me wondered if he was looking forward to his time alone without the kids to interrupt. I told him he could have summers with them, that they could spend that time in Wisconsin after this first summer. He agreed to that, too, which surprised me. He could have fought this and he would have won, I have no legal rights to Brooks at all, but he didn’t fight me. Thank God for small favors, I suppose.

 And then I kinda lost my mind. I didn’t expect any offer sheets, so when the one from Philly was brought to me, it was shocking. Exactly one year longer than Ryan’s contract, I didn’t miss that fact. Significantly more money and a lot of security. Even after all I said about the boys needing Nashville, truthfully I was dreading going back there. I didn’t want to deal with that house that we’d shared for seven years being half empty. I didn’t want to sleep in that bed in that room alone. The idea of a fresh start was tempting. Very tempting. I wasn’t thinking about my teammates or what they’d think of what I was doing. I was just thinking of how badly I wanted to run away from all of this. I was thinking about how I didn’t want to face the Nashville press when they asked questions about Ryan. I didn’t want to face that locker room alone. I signed. I really thought I was going.

 I did not expect the Predators to understand what I did or why I did it. It was never about wanting to leave or not having faith in the team or not loving the city. It was all about running away from my problems and wanting to hide from what happened. And they knew that. And they understood. They knew I didn’t really want to leave. And they wanted to keep me. It was a torturous few days waiting to see if they’d match or not. By then I’d calmed down and realized that I didn’t want to leave, I didn’t want to run away, that I needed them to match it more than I needed anything else in the world. No one thought they would. That phone call was the best one I’ve ever received. I am so grateful to them that they understood. Not every organization would have done that.

 I have Travis Zajac’s phone number, but I’ve never called him. I have thought about it, but I don’t know what I’d say. Zach and Travis have a son together too, and as far as I know he spends the season in New Jersey. I think sometimes about how they both created families and yet, according to Ryan, they always wanted each other that whole time. What was the point? Why drag two other people and children into this? If they didn’t think they could do a long distance relationship (and chances are they couldn’t because they’re both cheaters), then why not be open. Of course I wouldn’t have gotten involved with Ryan if I’d known, but we could have saved ourselves a lot of heartache if they could have just been honest.

 I’m having a party on July 4, 2013. I’m going to burn my marriage license. I think I’ll invite Travis.


End file.
